Re: NLP and Language (criticism)
Hi Richard,
Here is some further information on the subject of NLP and Language.
We use language to interpret our experience. We use language to interpret and describe (to ourselves or others) our feelings, what we see, hear and think. We think in words.
How something is worded can change the meaning of the message. I gave some examples in the previous message.
The following is something Dilts wrote on Criticism (from his book "Sleight of Mouth) pg 43:
"Critics are frequently perceived as "spoilers," because they operate from a "problem frame" or "failure frame." (Dreamers, on the other hand, function from the "as if', frame," and realists act from the "outcome frame" and "feedback" frame.")
A major problem with criticisms, on a linguistic level, is that they are typically asserted in the form of generalized judgments, such as: "This proposal is too costly," "That idea will never word," "That's not a realistic plan," etc. One problem with such verbal generalizations, is that, given the way they are stated, one can only agree or disagree with them. If a person says, "That idea will never work, " or, "it is too expensive," the only way one can respond directly is to say, either "I guess you are right," or "No, you are wrong, the idea will work," or, "No, it is not too expensive," Thus criticism usually leads to polarization, mismatching and ultimately conflict, if one does not agree with the criticism.
The most challenging problems occur when a critic doesn't merely criticize a dream or a plan, but begins to criticize the "dreamer" or the "realist" on a personal level. This would be the difference between saying, "That idea is stupid," and, "You are stupid for having that idea." When a critic attacks a person at the identity level then the critic is not only a "spoiler" but a "killer."
It's important to keep in mind, however, that criticism, like all other behavior, is positively intended. The purpose of the "critic" is to evaluate the output of the 'dreamer' and 'realist'. An effective critic makes an analysis of the proposed plan or path in order to find out what could go wring and what should be avoided. Critics find missing links by logically considering 'what would happen if' problems occur. Good critics often take the perspective of people not directly involved in the plan or activity being presented, but who may be effected by it, or influence the implementation of the plan or activity (either positively or negatively)."
... "Thus, a keylinguistic skill in addressing criticisms, and transforming problem frames to outcome frames, is the ability to recognize and elicit positive statements of positive intentions."
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It's a long explanation that basically says that you'll get much better results if you a) tell a person what you want instead of what you don't want; b) Criticism invites conflict and can demoralize a person, especially if the criticism is aimed at the person and not the person's actions.